Well another week has passed....not quite sure what has happened....life seems to be going on around me and passing me by; I feel like I'm looking in sometimes just watching it all....we are still living very much day-to-day at the moment. I am hoping that the emotional exhaustion that I feel is going to start to improve in the nearish future but we will see.... I just feel like I've lost all my fizz.....
My memories of the last year seem to repeat over and over again in my head, reliving conversations I had with Karena throughout her journey, and our hopes, expectations, fears etc. Sometimes I just feel plagued by the memories of it all to be honest - it's all so dreamlike in some ways but when I wake up in the morning the reality dawns afresh every day.
So when people ask me "How are you?" the answer is pretty complex.....and I guess "I dunno really" would be a fairly accurate answer!
The good news is I have sold my VW Sharan on ebay (it was really dull and I hate automatic gearboxes!) and bought a (slightly) newer car - a 10 year old Land Rover Discovery which is really shallow I know but feels like a proper man's car just at the moment! :-)
It sounds like a taxi, drives like a tank, is as aerodynamic as a brick, and as wide as a wide thing in a width contest. At least that's put a smile on my face...taking delivery tomorrow !
On a more important note tho, I keep thinking on Jesus' words from Luke 4 where he says that the scripture from Isaiah 61 is fulfilled in Him....and in there it says that He has come to bind up the broken hearted.....
Am I broken hearted? - Yes, definitely.
Do I know God's presence in it all? - Yes of course, He's not changed.
Do I fear for tomorrow? - No, not really
Do I look forward to tomorrow? - No, not really, it's just another day of struggle
So, how am I? - Errrrr..........dunno really ...