Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Brain Trauma !

Catchy blog title huh ?
And how's about this for a catchy book title to go with it...?
Clearly the title of the book attracted me (can't think why!?)

I recently had a conversation with somebody from Care for the Family who's been there and done it; he told me of a training course he'd been on which described the effects of bereavement as being very similar to 'brain trauma'. Studies have shown the following effects (amongst others) :-
- diminished ability to self-regulate - stress, mood etc
- diminished or altered memory function, amnesia,
- loss of emotional well being,
- loss of capacity to experience joy in living,
- reduced motivation to be sociable

I've definitely experienced all of these in different measures at different times.....
To be honest, I've sometimes wondered if I'm totally losing the plot....Thankfully I have been significantly better of late. Being back at work has helped, seeing my children getting on with life has also helped, and talking through pain with Ellie over the last 11 months has massively helped too.

The dimished memory function tho - that's ongoing for sure - I wonder where I put the TV controller ?

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The new plumbline.

So what two things do I see ?

1. The woman who took the photo (I remember it like it was yesterday)
2. The gold wedding band on my finger; it's not been there for some time now.

It strikes me that I look at everyday events (and everday things like a simple photo in this instance!) in a totally different way than how I used to.

For me, everything is now measured against a different standard; a new plumbline - measured against the inevitability of death, the reality of death, and the certainty that one day, maybe soon (I really don't know when), I will stand before my maker face-to-face.
It's not morose - it's simple truth that is totally inescapable.

In bible words, "The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone" (Ps 103:15-16)

It's very humbling but really good to think on, as it makes me want to make the most of the rest of my life, however 'long' or short it is....

Quite simply that means following Jesus in the small things and in the big things...each and every day. The next big thing is marrying the delightful Ellie x

Hope you like the photo!

So, what do you see ?

This is the photo on my mantle-piece, it was taken in the October half term of 2009.....I see two things every time I look at it......
What do you see when you look at it ?....I bet it's different to me !
My answer next time !

Blogs to come .....

  • The new plumbline

  • Facing my fears

  • The most stressful thing

  • Brain trauma

Monday, 9 May 2011

Bubbling away....

.... just beneath the surface is....a gut-wrenching cry and emotional pain that is really difficult to explain/control!

I have to try hard not to dwell on the past (that too feels impossible sometimes!!) and you never really know when emotions are going to bubble all the way to the surface and totally erupt.

Little things can trigger that emotional bubbling feeling - a memory, a song, a smell, a garden flower, a word.....and when it does all bubble up, you've really just got to let it erupt (suppressing the emotions seems like a really good idea sometimes, but it doesn't actually help !)

So recently I've felt fairly 'ok' emotionally (I think!) and have been trying to look forwards and not look backwards too much....then Sunday came, and as I listened to just a few compassionate words I felt that sudden bubbling erupting sensation......

On a lighter note, the good news's just 5 weeks and 5 days until the wedding !

For wedding info, click here......if you've not yet told us you're coming, please can you do so by 18 May so we can finalise puddings ! Thanks !