Ellie and I were talking this morning about holidays we have had....places we have seen, and fun things we've done with our children......the odd thing is (aside from this last year) we don't share any common memories.....and all our reminiscing is soured by the sadness of people who are no longer with us. Things that used to be fun to think back to are now tinged with aching pain, so mentally the best thing to do seems to be to try not to think back to those memories too much or too often. Maybe that's not the best way to handle it...people who are further down this path than I might say that it's good to look back and just smile and remember....but for me at least, for the time being, I am going to keep trying to look forward rather than spending lots of time looking back with sadness.
Grief is an awful thing - it wants to rob you of joy in every circumstance : past, present and future.
So for now at least, Ellie and I are going to work at creating some new good memories for our children....tonight whilst I was out at swimming club, Ellie and the girls got all snuggled up in duvets with copious amounts of chocolate and watched The Sound of Music....(the boys were nowhere to be seen !!!) ...a good memory for the girls at least !! Perhaps they'll reminise about it in years to come !