"Rubbish-Rubbish" or "Rubbish-Good" ?

I was asked today whether I'd had a "Rubbish-Rubbish day" or a "Rubbish-Good day". It kind of sums things up really - every day seems pretty rubbish and my emotions continue to get the better of me when I least expect it.

Yesterday I had a lovely man come and clean our house carpets (1st time for 9 years!!)...when he arrived I was making some soup, and when he asked me if I was the cook in the house I just welled up with tears....here we go again !! That was the start of another Rubbish-Rubbish day....lots of tears - I just miss Karena loads and can't quite get my head around the fact that I won't see her again this side of eternity.

But today was another day and I went out for a long bike ride this morning, and then watched No.3 playing a netball tournament in the rain - and after about 8 matches and getting completely sodden, her team eventually won the tournament. Seeing the look on her face (she actually scored the winning goal but it was definitely a team-win!) was all I needed to make the day special. If Karena was there she'd have been jumping up and down and shouting at the top of her voice, but of course she wasn't there (rubbish!). Then we also had No. 3's play performance at school tonight which was absolutely fabulous. Karena would have loved it but of course she wasn't there (rubbish!)....so all-in-all today has been a Rubbish-Good day!

The only Good-Good thing that keeps going through my mind is that.... "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever" (Heb 13:8). At least that's not going to change, irrespective of whether tomorrow is Rubbish-Rubbish or Rubbish-Good.

Hooray !

Along with about 20000 other people, and after quite a bit of deliberation, I did decide to run the Reading Half Marathon today.
I made it in just over 1:45 thanks to Giles dragging me along all the way....and boy, was I pooped after that - and very glad it's over !
Tomorrow will be stiff legs day....

Running the race.....

I have been into town today doing some shopping whilst listening to a Mark Driscoll podcast on "Trials".....he was speaking about leaving a legacy, being fruitful in life, & dying well - absolutely magnificent heart-warming, motivating, inspiring thumping stuff in true Driscoll style!!...
So there I am crying as I walk down Broad Street - knowing God speaking to me afresh about the future, as well as remembering that Karena has indeed left a legacy in many people, myself and our children included.
The next step in the legacy journey for me will be nurturing my children through the coming years, whilst pursuing Jesus full-on, all the way....in other words to live life in light of 2Tim 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith....now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award me on that day....".
Today and tomorrow are new days in this legacy race...I want to run them well, in weakness, and with tears but run them nonetheless knowing each day makes a difference.....

Speaking about running the race......I have a slight dilemma......I was training for the Reading Half Marathon until December which I applied for before Karena got really ill......so on Tuesday last week I started running again, after a 3 month break - and did 8k, 10k, 14k distances last week, and have also done a couple of swims and plan to go out on the bike tomorrow for a medium distance (to use some more muscles I've forgotten about!). Clearly not an ideal training plan and I am definitely not 'ready' for the Half Marathon which is this Sunday...I would really quite like to do it anyway tho!!
If I do run, my old mate Giles has agreed to do it alongside me (I hope his training has been better than mine!); I'm hoping he'll bring his mobile defib equipment with him (or perhaps a tow-rope) just in case the need arises.....so.... To Race, or, Not To Race - that is the question ?? Answers on a postcard please.....

"Heroes of the Campaign"...

At 8pm, 1 month ago today, Karena went to glory.....

Over the last weeks, aside from planning Karena's funeral and doing practical stuff, I have also been reliving in my mind some of the events of her last days, weeks and months....it was certainly a roller coaster of a journey, and will continue to be so for us as a family for the foreseeable future I think.
In my reminiscing I keep thinking about "Heroes of the Campaign" - those people who played significant roles in loving, caring, supporting and practically helping us as a family. To mention everybody by name would be pretty much impossible (and I'd be bound to unintentionally miss people out !) but I am enourmously grateful for people who have.....

• been our friends at the time of our greatest need
• nurtured my children and looked out for them
• faithfully prayed for us
• supported us with encouraging words
• provided great medical care
• wept with us
• babysat
• made us meals
• cleaned
• ironed
• walked the dog !

At the top of my list of heroes though are two people - they are .....

1. Jesus - specifically for the magnitude of his sacrifice for us, the confidence that we have, the one that we hope in, the one who conquered death and rose again, the one in whose presence Karena now lives, and the only one who makes sense of any of this.
2. Karena - for her living faith in her living saviour which kept her strong in heart as she faced her death head-on.

I'm grateful to Jesus, grateful to my late wife, and so grateful to you too for your past support + your ongoing support.
You are truly Heroes of the Campaign !

Thanks !

If you were able to make it to Karena's funeral today - thanks so much for coming ! I tried to speak to everybody but inevitably I will have missed some people - sorry!! - thanks for coming nonetheless and for sharing in our memories!

In John 10:10, Jesus said "I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full". I believe Karena lived her life in the good of this - not simply trusting Jesus when the chips were down, but trusting him every day which really is living life to the full.

Why don't you do the same???.....explore the claims of Jesus for yourself. Try Alpha at your local church or come and join us at Reading Family Church on a Sunday at 10am at Reading Girls' School or at 6:15pm at South Street Arts Centre - just pop along and say hello!

Thanks again for coming....much love to you x