Happy Birthday...

Today would have been Karena's 50th birthday.

This picture was on a birthday card given to Karena from a dear friend 2 years ago...on the back it says, "Wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, Lord, even as we put our hope in You (Psalm 33)"

True then...true now.

Did some games with the children tonight before bedtime...it was good fun!

Sunday...

Fab day....church was fantastic....Jesus really is alive and real and it's very good good news indeed!!
This evening we did family games and had lots of laughter...Boggle was probably the highlight...most of the words the girls came up with we'd never heard of !!
Laughter-what great therapy !!

Another day in the office....

Aaaah…where to start…?? Monday was not a good day.
If only I could explain in words the gut-wrenching magnitude of the emotional angst that I sometimes feel. This time it was all set off by a very dear family member who was struggling with the journey that we are all on….and so, off the precipice I dropped too…..and boy did I drop !!

Sometimes I genuinly wonder whether I am going to end up in a mad house….yesterday tho I ended up in tears in front of my boss at work….he thought he'd done something to upset me (he hadn't)….as a temporary Contractor, crying in front of your boss probably isn't the best way to make them want to keep you…..but that's neither here nor there really I suppose….
Certainly the idea of some drugs to help the mood swings seems like quite a possibility….hmmmm

Today I awoke with (some of) the words of John Newton's classic ringing in my ears……

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home.

When we've been there 10,000 years,
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first began…..

I'm so glad that Jesus isn't gonna let go of me, no matter what…cuz when I'm dangling on the edge of the precipice it's only Him that really keeps me from falling even tho it's Ellie's arms that hold me tight….
In truth, I'm really looking forward to the day of no more pain, no more sorrow, and no more tears….until then tho I'll just keep riding my bicycle…so I'm gonna buy a brand new one….and will call it therapy :-)

Vows....

We went to a fabulous wedding this weekend in Cheltenham....I could barely hold it together during the service, as we declared the greatness of God in song and some bible truths about that great day when we will meet Him face-to-face....I had that bubbling sense of "I'm really gonna lose it here...." as tears fell down my face.
Then there was the vows - "....until death us do part"....That part of the wedding service always used to feel so 'in the future'...nowadays it feels very much 'in your face.' They're not just words of course - vows are good and weighty. This vow to our children has been on Ellie's and my mind over the last several weeks - from our wedding day....

I, Craig/Ellie, thank God for [children's names]... I commit myself to their well being, and my love, time, energy and resources to nurturing, guiding and caring for our new family.

We're working very hard at this, and it's pretty exhausting for us both to be honest...there are piles of unopened mail, answserphone messages and lists of unfulfilled tasks - just because we haven't got around to them by the time the day is over with children in bed....but it's our commitment to bring up our 5 children together, giving of ourselves....until death us do part. If we do nothing else in this life but fulfil this vow to the best of our ability, then we will be happy with that, and we will have served our children well I think.

Sam's story...

Hello I'm Sam....in case you haven't met me before, here's a picture of me (I was looking in the bin for something)....

Everything has changed for me recently.

I've been doing some things that I never used to do and I don't really know why.....I've been growling at children sometimes and I've even been off my food (for whole minutes sometimes!). I never used to be like that, but it's just that everything is so loud in the house these days (particularly at meal times) and I just feel so tense. My Alpha Male isn't very happy with me about my growling (he tells me off and is teaching everybody else to tell me off too), but my owners were both a bit worried that something might be really wrong with me (particularly after all the other pets died) so they took me to the vet to check me out. The vet took some blood out of my leg (it hurt a bit) and gave me a nice blue bandage, and checked me all over. The vet told us that eveything was ok with my body but I might need to go to a dog behavioural specialist. Dad said, "A what ?", and told me that I needed to "Shape up or ship out." He doesn't understand me. The vet then gave us some medicine for special dogs like me who suffer from stress....I think they're called anti-depressants. They do make me feel much more calm but they're running out and Dad said that he's not buying any more because they cost £50 (I think he wants to try them himself though).

I'm trying not to growl as much but it's very difficult because I don't think the house is going to get any quieter. The only person who's quieter than he used to be is Dad....he seems much more subdued these days (I wish I was too). It's much better in the day time though when it's just me and Ellie - it's quiet then and I take her for a walk and we have a lot of fun together. She always gives me a carrot when I bring her home - that's the best bit !

Dad still does silly things with me sometimes....

grrrrrrr

The curious incident of the fox in the night-time.....

After the previous night's chicken murder, I decided to be a little more careful with our remaining chicken just in case the fox should return. As the chicken run area is covered I don't normally shut the little gate of the chicken coup but last night I decided to go for a 'belt and braces' approach and, on returning from cycling club at 9pm, I shut the little gate as our remaining poultry had already gone in to roost.....


It was a fairly late night and at about 12.15am Ellie and I decided we really needed to turn in for the night....when we got to the bathroom we picked up our toothbrushes, and were suddenly aware of a very loud scratching noise coming through the upstairs window from the garden area....


"Ahha", we thought, "Foxy Loxy has returned - You won't get in this time !!!"

I rushed for a torch and we watched carefully through the bathroom window for about 10 minutes scanning the area by torchlight...the scratching continued periodically but there was no sign of any assailant on the front/side of the coup....we needed to venture out into the garden....

...so very silently we snuck out of the back door with the torch light now quenched and on tip toes holding our toothbrushes as weapons dressed in our night attire....it was now 12.30am...

When we got to the back end of the garden I quickly put on the torch and aimed it at the back of the coup....but still there was no sign of any attacker and the scratching noise seemed to have stopped....so cautiously we approached the back door of the coup. Thinking the poor remaining chicken would be scared witless by now, we thought it best to check on the condition of our remaining bird....so carefully opened the back door of the hutch and shined the light inside....


This is what we saw by torchlight inside the coup:-




You can probably guess on the condition of dear Betty who was also inside the coup (I thought it best to photoshop her carcass out of the picture!)


I think when I'd shut the coup gate earlier to protect our remaining bird, I'd inadvertantly shut the fox inside !! He'd dug under the fence for access. Oooops!!



So another pet bites the dust......that's 6 down, 3 to go.



Quite bizarre that one !!



Hope to have made you smile!!

Background music....

One of the children asked me this week,
"Do you ever go for a day without thinking about mum?"

My response was, "I don't ever go for an hour, or even a minute without thinking about your mum".....

When I chatted to Ellie about it later, she described it as being like 'Background music'....always there - playing away through every event and every decision and every moment of the day - and also during dreams in her case :-(

Sometimes the background music becomes much louder but its dirge never stops playing....droning on and on - I wish I could turn it off but alas, I can't.

This week has been particularly hard as the background music has become much louder for each of the children at different times.

Can somebody turn the volume down please?

On the positive side ....one more pet has kicked the bucket this week (chicken hijacked by a fox last night) bringing the total number of deceased animals over the last few months to five. If we carry on at this rate, not only will we be without eggs, but there'll be no more space to bury them all in the garden :-)