As if the pain of the journey wasn’t hard enough to deal with and all the horrible memories which haunt every waking hour….I’m now realising, almost 3 years down the line, the ongoing cost to my emotional well-being and just how much my character has changed.
People have told me that externally I seem very normal (whatever that is ?!?!?!). I’ve also been told that I’ve “got over my grief very well.” But such comments and thoughts contain little understanding of the grief journey and what is bubbling away just beneath the surface. So before anybody says it, I will…
- Yes I can look to the future,
- Yes I have more life to live,
- Yes I have a beautiful wife and a lovely family,
- Yes God is with us,
- Yes there’s laughter to be had,
- Yes there are great memories from the past too
- Yes there are more great memories to be had in the future
- Yes Yes Yes….
That’s all true, but you can’t remove the sad memories, the horror of what you walked through and the angst in your heart by thinking happy thoughts or by just being purposeful about enjoying life into the future (however good that might sound). The bad bits just sit there waiting to consume you (and they do way too often!)
It’s a good job that Jesus hasn’t changed cuz I feel like I've had a total makeover !
PS : The good news is I’ve still got a job (at the moment !)